Today as I searched for a slice idea, I turned to my writer’s notebook for inspiration. As I thumbed through the pages, scanning the scribbles, I came across a poem I wrote last April. No title, just words. As I reread my writing, I was taken back to a different time, a time when I wasn’t so sure of myself. I remember writing this poem. I was in the computer lab. It’d been a hard day. Having accepted the position of vice principal for the coming year, I was doing double-duty- one foot in my literacy coach role, one foot in my new role. Without the support I so desperately craved, I felt lost. Not quite sure I was where I should be. Worried I’d made a mistake. With tears welling up in my eyes, anger and frustration coursing through my veins, I wrote.
Reading these words now, I realize just how far I’ve come in my journey as an administrator. Sure, there are tough times. There are times when I wonder if I’m enough. There are even times I want to quit. But I realized today that I’m a much stronger person that I was on that day in April. I can do this job, and most days, I’m not that bad at it. I still need encouragement and the occasional kick in the pants, but I realize that’s it’s a journey, and while I’ve just begun, I’ve come a long way.
Untitled
mind racing
brain full
going to explode
unsure
unaware
is it me?
am I that dumb?
keep things to myself
spinning out of control
did I make the wrong decision?
what’s it going to be like?
will I fail?
what if I do?
perfection is unattainable
but I can take it step by step
I’m going to make mistakes
it’s inevitable
but does that mean I give up?
no, I keep at it
get better everyday
ask for forgiveness
be vulnerable- but not too much
be authentic
be real
don’t try to be an expert
lead by example
actions are what matters
words don’t mean much
unless I can back them up
do I stand my ground?
prove I can do it?
or does it even matter?
my heart is happiest when i travel. read. write. connect. 
I love that you posted the poem. What a contrast in mindset! Just proves the importance of writing and reflection! Nice job, administrator! 🙂
Thanks so much! 🙂
It is sad that too often we rely on the affirmation of others to reassure us that we are doing a good job. If only… Thanks for sharing your reflection; you are not alone in your journey of taking a leap, questioning decisions, and coming round to the understanding that you will be okay. In fact you are more than okay; sounds like you are doing great.
Glad to know I’m not alone!
Thanks for sharing!! One of the aspects of international teaching that has definitely caused me to grow is the opportunity sometimes seized, sometimes thrust upon you, to take on leadership positions that you would not consider in a public school in America. Wow! What a journey!
It’s great to look back and see where we have been and how far we have come. I am glad that you shared your poem, giving a glimpse of you at that time, and letting others find strength in your words.
Your poems says so much. It’s wonderful that you were able to write all this down as you questioned your decision…and then reflect on it later and see the growth.
You certainly have come so far. I loved the Jennifer I met 3 and a half years ago, and I am so proud of the confidence you have developed.
Awww Shaggers! Love you, too!