Tag Archives: sol

One Little Word 2019 #olw2019

New Year’s Resolutions don’t work for me. Making these grandiose claims about how I’m going to drastically change my life by doing this or stopping that doesn’t feel right for me. I know will eventually break my resolutions, which makes me want to just give up. So instead of resolutions, I try to find a word to guide me through the year. Finding one word to focus on for the year gives me room to breathe, allows to me make mistakes but get back on track, and makes it easier to forgive myself when I mess up.

The process of discovering my One Little Word always begins at the end of the year with a brainstormed list of all the possibilities for the coming year. I allow myself to jot down any and every word that comes to mind, no judgement. After giving myself some space, I revisit my list, reading the words aloud, marking the ones that resonate with me, narrowing my list to about five choices. Over the next little bit, I try them on for size, aiming to find the word that I keep coming back to, the one that seems to choose me. When I’m ready to decide on my One Little Word, I reread my list again, looking up the definitions of the top contenders, ensuring that I find the perfect one for me. Sometimes this process happens quickly, but oftentimes, my One Little Word doesn’t find me for a few weeks. And that’s okay.

This year, my top contenders were nourish, consistency, ignite, transform, and joy. While I liked each one for different reasons, one word stood out above the rest, a beacon for the direction I would like to take this year. After much consideration, my One Little Word for 2019 is JOY!

Joy is defined as:

    The emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires
    A state of happiness or felicity
    A source or cause of delight

Over the past year, I’ve lost that spark, that intangible feeling of sheer joy and happiness. While I certainly had moments of happiness and excitement, upon reflection, I realized that I tended to dwell on what I was lacking, what I didn’t yet have or what I hadn’t yet accomplished. I desire to invite joy back into my life, focusing on improving my health and well-being, and in turn, my happiness will grow exponentially. I want to cultivate a life of gratitude. I have so much to be thankful for, and by expressing gratitude for the people, experiences, and things I have in my life, I can discover joy in the ordinary moments.

This quote speaks to me, and I want to live this out in 2019. It’s so true, isn’t it? Aren’t we all drawn to those people who exude happiness and joy, finding any reason to smile, not sweating the small stuff? I know I am! I want to be a magnetic force others are drawn to.

In order to align myself with JOY, I’m going to invite more exercise, celebrations, gratitude, travel, and discovery into my life, while letting go of complaints, excuses, competition, comparison, being stuck, and the idea of ‘busy’. I’m going to find joy in the journey and the ordinary moments of my life.

What is your One Little Word for 2019?

What I Believe #sol18

This is my second attempt at a What I Believe poem. My first is here.

What I Believe

I believe kindness always wins.
I believe people change and grow– sometimes together, sometimes apart. Both are okay.
I believe we have to be our own biggest cheerleader.
I believe our words reveal who we are inside.
I believe everyone should travel to a new place alone– at least once in their lifetime.
I believe a home-cooked meal is love.
I believe we are all a little too hard on ourselves.
I believe everyone is a writer, but many of us just don’t know it yet.
I believe eating plants gives us energy.
I believe I wasn’t meant to live life in one place.
I believe in saying thank you.
I believe in finding someone who complements us rather than completes us– we need to be whole on our own.
I believe in hard work.
I believe disconnecting is good for the soul.
I believe in doing what makes your heart happy.
I believe in taking risks– we don’t grow in our comfort zones.
I believe in second chances.
I believe a beach, a good book, and no agenda make for a perfect day.
I believe we learn from kids more than they learn from us.
I believe in saying sorry when we mess up.
I believe everyone should keep a writer’s notebook to capture their thoughts– you’ll thank yourself one day.
I believe we all have slumps, but we can’t allow ourselves to stay there forever.
I believe listening– truly listening to someone– is a lost art, and if you find someone who does, you should hold onto them.
I believe smoothie bowls are life.
I believe in investing in your own health.
I believe how people react to situations says more about how they’re feeling than anything else.
I believe everyone is beautiful– it’s our job to find their beauty rather than their flaws.
I believe you don’t truly appreciate your family until you’re older.
I believe in making people laugh.
I believe telling our stories is how we share our lives with one another.

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Just a Trip to the Hospital… #sol18

Even as I waited for the bus to arrive, tears filled my eyes, knowing what was to come. Despite being somewhat of an irrational fear, I couldn’t stop the worry of the dreaded needle from taking over. As we headed to the hospital, my friends and colleagues tried to distract me, chatting about last night’s Oscars, memories from when we all started together last summer at ACG, and the usual friendly banter that occurs with people who are familiar with one another.

To be honest, I didn’t really know what to expect. All I knew was that in order to process our work visas for next year, we had to have drug and HIV testing done (and pass, obviously). I’ve only been to a clinic and the dentist here in Jakarta, which I assumed wouldn’t be too different from a hospital. I couldn’t have been more wrong in my assumptions. I had forgotten one crucial difference. I had visited Western-style clinics, and we were going to a local hospital today.

Upon arrival, we were taken to a large waiting room to get a number (much like you would at the deli counter at your local grocery store back home). Swarms of people filled every available seat, fanning themselves from the heat. Those who couldn’t fit inside were perched outdoors on the rows of metal seats. A few unfortunate souls were laid out on stretchers, outside in the heat (not that it was any cooler inside, but being outside seemed worse to me), while their loved ones fed them something that looked a lot like porridge. There was even a man in a wheelchair who had his leg propped up, an old piece of wood underneath acting as a splint.

As we stood in the middle of the waiting room, taking it all in, sweat slowly dripped down my back, and I was reminded of earlier this morning when I was getting dressed and debating whether I should wear long pants and a cardigan, seeing as hospitals are notoriously cold. I thanked myself for choosing the skirt and sleeveless shirt today.

A little while later, our driver ushered us over to another building, where we assumed the ‘VIP’ area was. We came to find out there isn’t a VIP area at this hospital. While we waited outside chatting (and sweating), we were just thankful we weren’t in that other line. We did have to get back to work at some point today. When we were finally called in, the fear came back, but it was short lived as I realized this building was for checking your weight and blood pressure and signing your name. The five of us each took our turn, and then it was onto the next one (building, that is).

As we made our way through the throngs of people seemingly waiting in lines, we were met with another large, overflowing waiting room. Taking the only available seats, we ate our snacks (thankfully, we came prepared!) and waited. A little while later, we were taken to a smaller, yet still crowded, room to wait in line for our blood tests. In the middle of the communal room, the numbered stalls sat waiting for people to be pricked. I guess privacy wasn’t a top priority here. As we stood in line right in front of the door, so as not to lose our place, we were constantly in everyone’s way, shuffling this way and that way. The heat and the screaming babies only added to my anxiety.

One by one, people were taken to a vacant stall to be pricked (i.e. stabbed) with a needle, the line inching forward with each prick. Rebecca went to the toilet, and upon her return, informed us that there was no soap or towels in the bathroom. As in they don’t exist there, not as in they’re out. I’m disturbed that the hospital where I was about to have a needle put into my arm doesn’t have soap in the bathroom. My wavering confidence took another nosedive.

My turn. I begrudgingly followed the attendant to stall #4, where I apprehensively sat down. Armed with funny videos on my phone and Rebecca and Miriam’s constant stream of conversation to distract me, I steeled myself for what was to come. After triple-checking that the nurse was using a new, clean needle and gloves, I looked away and shut my eyes tight, bracing for impact. I felt the needle pierce my skin, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d built it up to be. A few seconds later, it was over, and I didn’t even cry!

Our last stop was at yet another building, which, to our surprise, was blasting cold air, clean, and virtually empty. Here we were asked to fill out paperwork, pee in a cup, and talk privately with a doctor. The doctor’s chat was a bit unusual. We were all asked basically the same questions, with a few variations. The most interesting bits from my conversation were:

Are you drink alcohol? Yes, occasionally.

What? Vodka or Whiskey or… Ummm…rum I guess, and sometimes cider.

Are you drug user? No, I’ve never used drugs before. (What an odd way to ask that…why not ‘Have you used drugs before?’)

Show me your arms. (She then checked for track marks before recording “Track marks- negative.”)

How about your feeling now? (After realizing she was asking about my mood…) I’m just fine.

You have hallucination? No.

Or delusion? No? No.

Okay finished!

I’m always intrigued by the different experiences I have as an expat. Before moving abroad, I took for granted that basic things like going to the doctor, shopping, and getting around town could be so different. I just assumed the major things like the type of food, language, and locale would be different, but culture runs deep and seemingly little things can be a whole new experience!

Why I Slice #sol18

Why I Slice

I slice to slow down.
I slice to be a part of something bigger than myself.
I slice to figure things out.
I slice to remember.
I slice because it pushes me as a writer.
I slice to capture fleeting moments.
I slice because comments fuel me as a writer.
I slice to experiment with new forms of writing.
I slice because it makes me happy.
I slice because having a deadline forces me to write something, anything.
I slice to reflect.
I slice to catch up on my slicer friends’ lives.
I slice because it gives me a glimpse into one month of my life each year.
I slice to show a snapshot of real life- the ups and the downs.
I slice because it allows me a space to be vulnerable.
I slice because it’s a part of who I am.

Today marks the start of my eighth year as a part of the Slice of Life Challenge. I look forward to the challenge every year, and this one is no different. I’m writing to you from a new country, Indonesia, so I expect there will be slices about my new surroundings, culture, and school. There will also be the everyday kinds of slices about my life as an expat and an educator. I can’t wait to revisit my favorite slicers and discover new ones. So glad you all are on this journey with me. Have a great month of writing, and when the words won’t come, just remember why you slice.

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Numb

People in pain
My people
Why can’t I take it
away?
It can take them
away

My mind reeling
When will it
stop?
Everything is fine
Until it’s not
And then what?
Am I supposed to just
pretend that life is okay
even when it
most certainly is not?

Not able to write
Unable to do much
of anything
Numbness takes over
to block out the pain
But it comes back
in waves
when I least expect it
Sadness, anger, disbelief
Fear, worry, dread

That age-old question
surfaces
Why do bad things
happen to good people?
I wish I knew

Life is a series of
ups and downs
I know that
But the downs
shouldn’t be this bad,
right?

For now, I don’t know
what to do
what to say
how to act
But I can show them I love them
be a listening ear
love them through it
That’s all I can do
I hope it’s enough

 

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Year in Photos 2016

Sometimes pictures are better than words. They can tell more of a story, inviting the reader to infer their meaning, ask questions about their significance to the writer, and wonder what happened before and after the snapshot was taken. I’ve been telling a story of my year in photos for the past couple of years (click here for my year in photos for 2014 and 2015), and it is an exercise I enjoy, looking back through my year’s photos, deciding which ones to include and which ones are better left out. Without further adieu, here is my 2016 year in photos, in chronological order.

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Right Where I’m Supposed to Be

If you had told me a year ago that I’d be teaching preschool in Thailand, I would have fell on the floor laughing and told you that you were crazy. Heck, if you had mentioned it a few months ago, I would have had the same response. But here I am, living in Bangkok and teaching preschool.

I was chatting this afternoon with my friend Melissa, who works at the same school and has joined the SOL challenge this year, and we were laughing about my day and my super adorable kiddos, when she posed the question, “Would you have ever thought that you’d be here doing this one year ago?” Smiling, I told her there’s no way that thought would have ever entered my mind, but somehow, I know this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. Life is funny that way, isn’t it? You think you’re supposed to do one thing, but there’s a whole other plan out there that you aren’t even aware of, and it turns out, their plan is perfect for you. It’s just what you need. Well, it was just what I needed anyway.

Being in Thailand, at this moment in my life, is so unbelievably, serendipitously perfect. Living in my new-found simplicity (more on that in a later post), surrounded by some pretty amazing people, has allowed me space to heal. Something I thought would take forever to happen has begun so quickly. The layers of hurt and fear and junk that I’ve piled on over the last year and a half have begun to slough off, leaving me feeling lighter, more like me. Things still creep up on me, reminding me of the past and bringing me back to those old feelings, but those incidents are far less frequent than they used to be.

Other than my good friend Lauren, who I knew before I came to Bangkok and who has been my biggest support here, everyone else I’ve met is new. Despite my newness, I have developed fast friendships with a few people, and I couldn’t imagine my time here without them. They encourage me, support me in times of doubt, and spend lots of time with me, chatting about life and exploring this incredible city. I already know I’ll shed more than a few tears when I leave.

And then, there’s the whole teaching preschool thing! Never in a million years would I have imagined that I would be teaching preschool. The fact that I am, and even more, the fact that I’m enjoying it, is huge! I always looked at early childhood teachers with a mix of wonder, respect, and confusion. I mean, who in their right mind chooses to work with little (and I mean little) kids all day! Well, having taken advantage of being in the right place at the right time and accepting this position, I can honestly say I get it. I know why they do it. Three- to four-year-olds are so full of life! They are unapologetically themselves. They say what they think, they question, they explore, and they do what feels good. What a way to live!

I’m savoring this season in my life, taking each day as it comes, and I’m looking forward to seeing what else unfolds on this new adventure I’m on…it’s sure to be a wild ride!

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