Today as I searched for a slice idea, I turned to my writer’s notebook for inspiration. As I thumbed through the pages, scanning the scribbles, I came across a poem I wrote last April. No title, just words. As I reread my writing, I was taken back to a different time, a time when I wasn’t so sure of myself. I remember writing this poem. I was in the computer lab. It’d been a hard day. Having accepted the position of vice principal for the coming year, I was doing double-duty- one foot in my literacy coach role, one foot in my new role. Without the support I so desperately craved, I felt lost. Not quite sure I was where I should be. Worried I’d made a mistake. With tears welling up in my eyes, anger and frustration coursing through my veins, I wrote.
Reading these words now, I realize just how far I’ve come in my journey as an administrator. Sure, there are tough times. There are times when I wonder if I’m enough. There are even times I want to quit. But I realized today that I’m a much stronger person that I was on that day in April. I can do this job, and most days, I’m not that bad at it. I still need encouragement and the occasional kick in the pants, but I realize that’s it’s a journey, and while I’ve just begun, I’ve come a long way.
Untitled
mind racing
brain full
going to explode
unsure
unaware
is it me?
am I that dumb?
keep things to myself
spinning out of control
did I make the wrong decision?
what’s it going to be like?
will I fail?
what if I do?
perfection is unattainable
but I can take it step by step
I’m going to make mistakes
it’s inevitable
but does that mean I give up?
no, I keep at it
get better everyday
ask for forgiveness
be vulnerable- but not too much
be authentic
be real
don’t try to be an expert
lead by example
actions are what matters
words don’t mean much
unless I can back them up
do I stand my ground?
prove I can do it?
or does it even matter?
my heart is happiest when i travel. read. write. connect. 