Last week, I sliced about an epic stand-off between me and a lone mosquito, where I, despite my current physical limitations, came out victoriously. Battle number two was last night.
My friend Lauren came over to keep me company, trading her Friday night plans for hanging out in my bed (this is, like, where I live now), swapping cute student stories of the week, eating pizza and ice cream, and watching This is Us (I had to introduce her to it!). As we were eating, what would fly over our heads but my arch-nemesis, the mosquito!
“I got this!” Lauren declares, clap-clapping around, with a determined look on her face. Spoiler alert: she didn’t have this.
With the mosquito safely (for now, buddy) in the living room, she settles back down and continues eating. I regale my earlier mosquito fight to her, brandishing my recently-acquired weapon to rid me of all mosquitos, the bug-zapper racquet. Another friend kindly gave me hers when I asked her where I could buy one like it. Slightly used, but it would still do the trick.
Lauren’s eyes light up! If you’ve never used one of these, let me explain. The satisfaction that one acquires when the racquet meets the mosquito and makes that flash of light and loud cracking sound, signaling to the user that yes, you were victorious, is simply energizing. (Side note: I’m a vegetarian, and against animals dying, but even I have limits. Mosquitos and cockroaches are okay in my book. Go ahead, judge away!)
With a renewed energy and determination to get him, she turns on the zapper, waving it above the bed to no avail. Setting it beside her, she’ll be ready the next time he tries to bug us (see what I did right there? 😉).
A little while later, he returns, presumably seeking revenge for what I did to his brother. At the ready, Lauren is on attack! Unable to get him from the bed, she’s up, chasing him around my tiny apartment, all the while swinging the zapper in the air. Unable to contain my curiosity, I crawl to the edge of the bed, cheering on my mosquito warrior. ZAP!!! “Did you get him?!??”
“Either that, or I just killed your plant,” Lauren says. Touching the racquet to the leaves of my plant and not hearing a crack, “Yessss! I got him!”
I thank her profusely, knowing I’ll be able to sleep soundly without pesky interruptions, and we resume This is Us.
Not even five minutes later, another mosquito emerges from the shadows, once again flying overhead, but just out of reach. With a winner’s high, Lauren sets out, to once again zap the life out of him. Zig-zagging around the living room, swiping the air, I take on the role of lookout. “Look! He’s there! By the couch!” Swoosh…no sound, no flash. “No wait, he’s under the table now!” Another miss! “Ahh! Ahh! He’s right there!” I say, pointing to the middle of the living room.
She’s got him in her sights, she’s poised to get him once and for all. With her finger on the power button, the racquet an extension of her arm, she swipes! I see the racquet connect with the mosquito, but where’s the satisfying crack and flash? Furiously swiping at him again, he still manages to stay alive. Looking at the zapper, we realize that in an ironic twist of fate, the little red light is off, indicating the zapper had run out of juice. “I guess that’s what you get by getting a used one,” Lauren points out. We laughed at our setback, but we weren’t giving up.
Lauren was in the bathroom, and I was sitting on the edge of my bed, eating mango ice cream directly from the tub, when he reappeared. My warrior indisposed, and with only one free hand, I wasn’t going to let him go. With ninja-like moves, I stealthily reached out and tried to catch him in my fist. Unsure if I’d gotten him or not, I squeeze as hard as I could. Opening my fist, a dead mosquito withers to the ground. “I did it! I did it, Lauren!” I shout.
Emerging from the bathroom, she asks, “What did you do?”
With a smirk, I say, “I caught him with one hand. Just call me the mosquito ninja!”