Tag Archives: secrets

My First Kiss- SOL #24



First kisses are awkward and exciting, but mostly awkward. The year was 1991. I was 10 years old, and it was the summer after fifth grade. As always, I was spending my summer at day camp. Being the daughter of working parents meant that summers weren’t really vacations. Anyway, summer camp at Sam Rayburn Middle School was typical. You know, arts and crafts, sports, recess, the occasional field trip. The difference, this year, was that I suddenly realized that I found boys cute. Prior to this summer, boys were cool, in a friendship kind of way, and I wanted to vomit anytime any of my friends went all googly-eyed and tongue-tied whenever the boys were around. Gross!

Well, this particular summer, I flirted (if you could call it that…) with Chris, a 10 year old from another school. According to my friends, he liked me, too. Back then, it was normal to send your friends on a mission to find out if someone liked you. You’d tell your friends who would talk to his friends who would talk to him. The news about him liking me back took the reverse route. So, after establishing that we were in “mutual like” with one another, the next logical step seemed to be that we had to kiss. At least these were the rules my friends told me. Who makes up these rules anyhow?

Ever since figuring out we liked each other, Chris and I had been avoiding each other like the plague. I guess, when you’re a kid, liking someone (and knowing that they know that you like them) is the ultimate embarrassment. Despite our best attempts to steer clear of one another, our friends began planning our first kiss. In order for us not to get caught, the plan was for our kiss to happen on the last field trip of the summer, when we’d head to Lake Bryan for a picnic and swimming party. The days leading up to the field trip were the worst. I was a nervous wreck! What if I do it wrong? How are you supposed to kiss anyway? What if people see us?

The day finally arrived. Surrounded by my girlfriends, who were in a tizzy about my impending step toward adulthood, I got cold feet. I begged them to call it off, but they told me I was stupid if I didn’t kiss him. This was my chance, they said. He was the cutest boy at camp (he really was). Standing near the lakeshore, I peered across the shore at Chris, who was in a similar situation. We exchanged glances. Despite the fear on both of our faces, we went forward with the plan.

Since the lake was crawling with camp counselors who would surely turn us in if they caught us smooching, the plan was for Chris and I to kiss in the lake. Floating about 30 yards from the shore was a platform where kids would climb up and jump off into the lake. The pier was held up by two floating tubes on either side, leaving a passageway underneath, with about a foot of exposed air between the water’s surface and the bottom of the platform. According to our friends, we were to swim out at the same time, meet under the platform, and kiss. Magical, right? Wrong.

We both swam out toward the platform and met underneath. As we broke the surface of the water, we caught a glimpse of one another. The next thing I know, I’ve closed my eyes and leaned toward him. Our lips touched for a split second. Literally, my first kiss lasted a millisecond. As soon as I felt his lips on mine, I pulled away, dove back under the water, and swam back to shore. Once back on dry land, I never spoke to Chris again. Seriously. The summer ended a few days later, and since we went to different schools, we may as well have lived in different worlds.

I did actually see him one more time. It was sometime in college. I was browsing the movie rentals at a local movie store when I caught a glimpse of his face. It was one of those “Oh my gosh! I recognize that face, but where do I know him from?” moments. After following him around (not in a creepy stalker way…) the aisles, it dawned on me. That’s my first kiss guy! I remember thinking how funny it was because I was totally not attracted to him anymore. He was totally thugged out in baggy, sagging jeans, an oversized white t-shirt, and red sneakers. Not exactly the cutest guy anymore.

Secrets- SOL #13


The idea of secrets has always intrigued me. Why we keep secrets. Who we tell them to. Who we don’t tell them to. The secrets we keep from our family, our friends, ourselves. The idea that it’s easier to tell a secret to a complete stranger than your closest friend. How we feel inclined to share secrets, even those that aren’t ours to share. Which secrets to keep. Which ones to let slip.

There’s a site I follow, Post Secret, which posts anonymous secrets each Sunday. Some make me laugh, some make me cringe, and others make me cry. Some secrets are a cry for help, a longing for someone, anyone, to listen. I wonder if the people sending in their secrets have someone they can talk to. Do they have someone who will listen to them and care what they have to say? I truly hope so.

When you get down to it, secrets are essentially those things or ideas you want to hide from someone else. Sometimes they’re big secrets, other times, insignificant. But nevertheless, they are important to the secret teller.
It got me thinking. What are the types of things people hide?
~what we really want
~our vices
~our messes
~what goes on inside our minds
~our weaknesses
~our fat
~money/our spending habits
~our Internet habits/history
~our insecurities and fears
~our true selves

What do you hide?

Operation Christmas Surprise

So, as many of you know, I surprised my parents by going home for Christmas. Even though it was tricky keeping such a BIG secret for so looooonnnnngggg, it was definitely worth it! Seeing my family’s reactions is a memory that will be forever etched into my mind.

Basically, I led my parents to believe that I was traveling around China for the 3 week winter break from school. It broke my heart every time my mom mentioned how sad Christmas would be without me, but my secret afforded me the opportunity to be flippant about the whole thing. “Mom, you’ll be fine,” I’d say. As my departure date approached, I was frantic and, frankly, a bit paranoid. What if she knows? They aren’t even going to be surprised! and other similar thoughts raced through my head. Sitting in the Pudong airport, I called my mom to tell her one last lie before I would see her in person. Luckily, I got her voice mail to which I left a short and sweet farewell as I got on the “train for my trip around China.”

After landing in Houston, my amazingly sweet friend Anela picked me up from the airport, sans luggage I’m afraid (that’s a whole other story!). We went out for a yummy dinner and then stayed at her place for the night. The next morning, we made our way to Bryan. The entire ride my stomach was filled with butterflies and I couldn’t shake the nervousness that rose inside me. The last part of my plan was assisted by our family friend, Susie. She, Anela, and I crashed my parents’ work Christmas party at their house. I hid outside on the porch with Anela while Susie went in to tell my mom one final lie- that she needed to come outside for a Christmas present that was in her car. As I stepped out from behind the pillar, my mom almost fell over as she exclaimed, “What happened?!?” because for all she knew I was 8,000 miles away on a trip around China with my friends! Smiling sweetly, I said, “Nothing happened. Surprise! Merry Christmas!” Then came the waterworks. My mom grabbed me in a bear hug, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. I have only seen her act like that one other time in my life, so it was a big deal!

After she calmed down, I went in to see my dad and brother. My dad’s reaction was shock. His mouth hung open and I faintly remember him saying, “Is this for real?” Yes, dad. This is real life. 🙂 Walking into the garage as my brother played ping pong, I noticed him bending down to pick up a ball. I cleared my throat to get his attention, and he did a double-take when he looked up. He was surprised, but his reaction was definitely more subdued than my parents’ reactions. All in all, I’d say Operation Christmas Surprise was a success! I would not have changed a thing. I will forever have those memories, and as they say, you can’t put a price on memories!