Tag Archives: mosquito

Mosquito Battle, Part Deux

Last week, I sliced about an epic stand-off between me and a lone mosquito, where I, despite my current physical limitations, came out victoriously. Battle number two was last night.

My friend Lauren came over to keep me company, trading her Friday night plans for hanging out in my bed (this is, like, where I live now), swapping cute student stories of the week, eating pizza and ice cream, and watching This is Us (I had to introduce her to it!). As we were eating, what would fly over our heads but my arch-nemesis, the mosquito!

“I got this!” Lauren declares, clap-clapping around, with a determined look on her face. Spoiler alert: she didn’t have this.

With the mosquito safely (for now, buddy) in the living room, she settles back down and continues eating. I regale my earlier mosquito fight to her, brandishing my recently-acquired weapon to rid me of all mosquitos, the bug-zapper racquet. Another friend kindly gave me hers when I asked her where I could buy one like it. Slightly used, but it would still do the trick.

Lauren’s eyes light up! If you’ve never used one of these, let me explain. The satisfaction that one acquires when the racquet meets the mosquito and makes that flash of light and loud cracking sound, signaling to the user that yes, you were victorious, is simply energizing. (Side note: I’m a vegetarian, and against animals dying, but even I have limits. Mosquitos and cockroaches are okay in my book. Go ahead, judge away!)

With a renewed energy and determination to get him, she turns on the zapper, waving it above the bed to no avail. Setting it beside her, she’ll be ready the next time he tries to bug us (see what I did right there? 😉).

A little while later, he returns, presumably seeking revenge for what I did to his brother. At the ready, Lauren is on attack! Unable to get him from the bed, she’s up, chasing him around my tiny apartment, all the while swinging the zapper in the air. Unable to contain my curiosity, I crawl to the edge of the bed, cheering on my mosquito warrior. ZAP!!! “Did you get him?!??”

“Either that, or I just killed your plant,” Lauren says. Touching the racquet to the leaves of my plant and not hearing a crack, “Yessss! I got him!”

I thank her profusely, knowing I’ll be able to sleep soundly without pesky interruptions, and we resume This is Us.

Not even five minutes later, another mosquito emerges from the shadows, once again flying overhead, but just out of reach. With a winner’s high, Lauren sets out, to once again zap the life out of him. Zig-zagging around the living room, swiping the air, I take on the role of lookout. “Look! He’s there! By the couch!” Swoosh…no sound, no flash. “No wait, he’s under the table now!” Another miss! “Ahh! Ahh! He’s right there!” I say, pointing to the middle of the living room.

She’s got him in her sights, she’s poised to get him once and for all. With her finger on the power button, the racquet an extension of her arm, she swipes! I see the racquet connect with the mosquito, but where’s the satisfying crack and flash? Furiously swiping at him again, he still manages to stay alive. Looking at the zapper, we realize that in an ironic twist of fate, the little red light is off, indicating the zapper had run out of juice. “I guess that’s what you get by getting a used one,” Lauren points out. We laughed at our setback, but we weren’t giving up.

Lauren was in the bathroom, and I was sitting on the edge of my bed, eating mango ice cream directly from the tub, when he reappeared. My warrior indisposed, and with only one free hand, I wasn’t going to let him go. With ninja-like moves, I stealthily reached out and tried to catch him in my fist. Unsure if I’d gotten him or not, I squeeze as hard as I could. Opening my fist, a dead mosquito withers to the ground. “I did it! I did it, Lauren!” I shout.

Emerging from the bathroom, she asks, “What did you do?”

With a smirk, I say, “I caught him with one hand. Just call me the mosquito ninja!”

An Unwelcome Wake-up Call

If you’ve been reading my slices lately, then you know I’m pretty immobile at the moment, confined to my bed to elevate my ankle and rest my sore body. Well, this makes everyday tasks a lot trickier than normal.

Last night, I ordered in for dinner, and while I was receiving the food with the door open, a mosquito flew in. I noticed him flying around me, taunting me, just out of my reach. I was not looking forward to going to sleep, fearful of his annoying, itchy bites.

Sure enough, I wasn’t able to catch him before my eyes could no longer stay awake. Laying down, I had hoped he wouldn’t fly anywhere near me.

Sometime around midnight, I was awoken by a bite on my cheek. Grrrr! I knew he would get me! Pulling the covers up over my face (man, I hate that, too!), I fell back asleep, satisfied that with my body covered up, he would not have access to my skin.

An hour and a half later, I was again woken up as that little bugger bit me twice on my jawline on the opposite side. Disgruntled and frustrated at my unwelcome wake-up call, I hatched a plan. I would turn on the light in the living room to draw him out, then quickly get back to my bed and close the sliding door, thus protecting myself from his evil ways.

Hobbling over to the living room on my crutches, half asleep, I turned on the light and I waited. And waited. And waited. He didn’t come. I thought insects were instinctually drawn to light. Not this one.

Irritated and tired from standing on one leg, I turned out the light and hobbled back to my bedroom. Turning on the light, I figured I’d try to kill him, that is if I could catch him. Even when all of my limbs are working properly, I find it difficult to catch mosquitos, but I had to give it a try. I refused to lay in bed being bitten all night.

Ah-ha! I saw him, on the wall near the curtains. Using my crutch as a sword, I smashed him, proud that I’d killed him so quickly. After removing the crutch to see him fall to the ground, a smashed mess, I saw him fly up higher. Dammit! The bottom of the crutch is concave!

Determined still to get him, I notice he’d landed on the air con, and I again used my crutch as an extension of my arm to try and smash him. He prevailed again. How is it that I am like 10 million times bigger than him, but he’s winning?

I decided to give patience a try. Kneeling on my bed, I waited until he came to me. Clap! Clap! Clap! He evaded my assassination attempts once again. He came back for more. Clap! Clap! Got him! Falling to the floor, twitching, I knew I’d wounded him, but he was still alive. Using my crutch yet again, I smashed him into the floor several times until I knew for certain he was dead. Victory was mine! Now I could sleep in peace.