Tag Archives: goodbye

Mourning the end

I’m not really sure how to feel right now. I found out today that our school closure would be extended, which if I’m being honest, is what I wanted. I was terrified to go back to school next Monday, and quite frankly, I was prepared to refuse to go should the school decide to open. But when I envisioned the school closure extending, I was thinking we’d push it back another month or so, just until it was safe to return. I wasn’t prepared to hear that we would most likely close for the remainder of the school year.

I made the decision a couple of days ago that I would stay in Indonesia, rather than relocate to Texas right now, figuring that it’s safer for me to remain in quarantine here instead of traveling through several airports and spending many hours on an airplane. I am at peace with that decision. While I’m comfortable with the routine of virtual school, I’m not happy about doing it for two and a half more months. However, the realness of what’s happening is starting to sink in.

I won’t get to say goodbye to my students in person. I won’t get to have a going away party before I move away for good. I won’t get to see our 2020 graduates walk the stage. I won’t get to celebrate with my students after their PYP Exhibition (and I now have to figure out how to do a completely virtual Exhibition). I won’t get to hug my colleagues and say a proper goodbye. I won’t get to say thank you and goodbye in person to the parents who have been so supportive of me over the past three years. I won’t get to laugh with students out on the playground again. I won’t get to hand out another Learner Profile of the Month award. I won’t get to see our students perform at the Primary Concert or Swimming Carnival. I won’t get to spend time with my friends before they’re gone (many have already left or will leave soon). I won’t get to have our pizza, movie, and bonfire night at school with my students (and I promised them we would do this). I don’t get to celebrate my Year 6 students’ transition into Secondary.

I won’t get closure. I’ll just work until June 12th online and then leave. That’s it. This chapter of my life will end abruptly, and then it’ll be gone. I don’t think I’m okay with this.

Source: Giphy

Less than a week to go!

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Today is my last Tuesday in China. Wow. The countdown is serious now. With less than a week until my departure, I’m starting to slightly freak out. I’m not ready to go. Not physically for sure. Haven’t yet mailed anything to Albania. Haven’t finished packing. Haven’t done my last minute shopping. Haven’t finished all my work at school. Haven’t sold all my stuff yet. Haven’t gone to the bank. Haven’t run the random errands I need to do. There’s never enough time, is there?

I’m also not emotionally ready to go. Haven’t spent enough time with my friends I’m going to miss dearly. Haven’t spent enough time with my students. Haven’t been to all the restaurants I want to visit one last time. Haven’t seen everything I want to see in Shangers. Haven’t had time to properly say goodbye and process what it’s going to be like to leave my life of five years behind and begin again.

But the thing about deadlines and scheduled flights is that even if you’re not ready, you have to go. The sand in my hourglass is pouring out faster than I’d like, and I just have to take it one day at a time. I’m trying to strike a balance between the have to’s and the want to’s. I know I’m going to leave things unfinished and I know I’m going to have regrets, but I’m going to do my best to soak it all in and surround myself with the people I love in my last few days.

Shangers has been good to me (most of the time), and I’m forever grateful for this experience. The people I’ve met, experience I’ve gained, and places I’ve traveled during my time here have helped shape who I am, so for better or worse, Shangers will always be in my heart.

I ❤ Shanghai!