Numb

People in pain
My people
Why can’t I take it
away?
It can take them
away

My mind reeling
When will it
stop?
Everything is fine
Until it’s not
And then what?
Am I supposed to just
pretend that life is okay
even when it
most certainly is not?

Not able to write
Unable to do much
of anything
Numbness takes over
to block out the pain
But it comes back
in waves
when I least expect it
Sadness, anger, disbelief
Fear, worry, dread

That age-old question
surfaces
Why do bad things
happen to good people?
I wish I knew

Life is a series of
ups and downs
I know that
But the downs
shouldn’t be this bad,
right?

For now, I don’t know
what to do
what to say
how to act
But I can show them I love them
be a listening ear
love them through it
That’s all I can do
I hope it’s enough

 

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Drowning in Slices

Swimming in a sea of slices

circling, swirling, so many to choose from

unable to settle on just one

drowning, quite literally, in slices

 

Do I write about my trip to the movies this weekend

to see Beauty and the Beast?

Acutely aware of how un-handicap accessible

the theater was

precariously hobbling

stairs upon stairs

but oh, so worth it

 

Or what about the twins,

who are finally breaking free of

their shells?

Come play with me!

Constructing a teetering tower,

laughter flowing, as the blocks cascade down

Our private glances,

telling each other stories,

words not needed

 

How about the thrill of a new book?

Settling in to read, yet

unable to keep my eyes open

Zzzzzzzzzzz…

(In case you didn’t know,

Zzzzzz means sleep!

according to J.J.,

my dormant EAL student,

who just today made a connection

between our letter of the week and

Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site)

 

Or do I tell you of the (mostly) unsuccessful attempts

to reheat last night’s leftover lasagna

in a small pot on a hot plate

while standing on one foot?

Oh the joys of not having

a microwave, or oven for that matter

 

Or better yet,

I could pine my notebook

teeming with stories not yet written

sifting through the ideas

until I found the perfect one

 

Drowning in slices,

this poem will have to do.

 

I Wish You More…

Amy Krouse Rosenthal, the writer whose format I borrowed for I Wish You More, passed away this week at the age of 51. Gone way too soon. Her light and love shone through in her life, and I admired her so much. As one of my favorite children’s books (and memoir) authors, I shared many of her books with kids and teachers over the years. Her death has hit me hard, and in honor of her, I give you this poem. AKR, this is for you! I wish you more love and happiness than pain.

I wish you more stamps than pages.

I wish you more tries than give-ups.

I wish you more what now’s than what if’s.

I wish you more quality than quantity.

I wish you more spicy than mild.

I wish you more books than shelves.

I wish you more oh yeahs! than oh nos!

I wish you more yummy than yucky.

I wish you more happy endings than cliffhangers.

I wish you more calm waters than crashing waves.

I wish you more bright than dull.

I wish you more grey than black and white.

I wish you more friends than followers.

I wish you more adventure than aversion.

I wish you more sunny than stormy.

I wish you more questions than answers.

I wish all of this for you,

because you are everything I could wish for…

and more.

Wondering the Reason

It’s been five days
since the accident
Five days since my life
suddenly changed

No more going where I
want to go
doing what I
want to do
Heck, even going to the bathroom
is an ordeal

At first, being cooped up
isn’t so bad
You get a free pass
to binge-watch
your favorite shows
You can stay in your PJ’s
all day long
No judgements

But then
the desire to do
normal things again
sets in
Things like walking around
taking a shower standing up
leaving the house
without it being a big thing
And suddenly
being confined to your bed
isn’t so glamorous anymore
It’s suffocating

At first, you expect
the pain
You know you have to
endure it
But you think
it’ll get better
each day
Only it doesn’t

Throbbing, pulsing
pain
Blue to green to yellow
yet it still hurts
Glancing down
not my foot
but a balloon
ready to pop

Too many pills
too much sleep
not enough sleep
can’t get comfortable
No longer
self-reliant

And then the thoughts
Playing the what if game
What if I hadn’t
stopped for that bottle of water?
What if I’d left
five minutes later?
Would it have been
the same?
Everything happens for a reason
Wondering the reason

Trying to stay positive
But today
it’s hard

 

Beyond Exhausted #sol16 17 of 31

Beyond Exhausted

too tired to see straight
beyond exhausted
my whole body hurts
beyond exhausted
worked for over 12 hours today
beyond exhausted
and I’m still not done
beyond exhausted
leaving for the airport in 7 hours
beyond exhausted
haven’t started packing yet
beyond exhausted
forgot to eat all day
beyond exhausted
have a headache now
beyond exhausted
so much to do
not enough time
but I have to keep going
even though I’m
beyond exhausted

Sunday, Lazy Sunday #sol16 6 of 31

Lazy Sundays

I just love lazy Sundays
days where I can have a lie in
get up when I wake up
not when the alarm tells me to
leisurely eat breakfast
without even a glance
at the time

days where I can
catch up with friends
each on different continents
listening to what’s
happening in their lives
swapping stories
sharing laughs

days where I can watch
episode after episode
of my favorite shows
without feeling guilty
and worrying about
other, more productive things
I need to be doing

days where I can take the time to
slowly read slices
getting to know other bloggers
gathering ideas for
my own slices

days where I can enjoy
a cup of hot tea
while bundled up
in my bed

days like this
are what I love
days when I don’t
have to do anything
except just be

Scattered #sol16 4 of 31

Scattered

go here
go there
send that email
check this box
cross that off
meet this deadline
greet this parent
have that meeting
add one more thing
and then another

the to-do list never stops
the inbox always grows
brain scattered
too full
flustered
wondering
how it all
will get done

walk away
take a break
have some fun
dance it out
even if just for a bit

it can wait
until tomorrow
there’s always tomorrow