Mourning the end

I’m not really sure how to feel right now. I found out today that our school closure would be extended, which if I’m being honest, is what I wanted. I was terrified to go back to school next Monday, and quite frankly, I was prepared to refuse to go should the school decide to open. But when I envisioned the school closure extending, I was thinking we’d push it back another month or so, just until it was safe to return. I wasn’t prepared to hear that we would most likely close for the remainder of the school year.

I made the decision a couple of days ago that I would stay in Indonesia, rather than relocate to Texas right now, figuring that it’s safer for me to remain in quarantine here instead of traveling through several airports and spending many hours on an airplane. I am at peace with that decision. While I’m comfortable with the routine of virtual school, I’m not happy about doing it for two and a half more months. However, the realness of what’s happening is starting to sink in.

I won’t get to say goodbye to my students in person. I won’t get to have a going away party before I move away for good. I won’t get to see our 2020 graduates walk the stage. I won’t get to celebrate with my students after their PYP Exhibition (and I now have to figure out how to do a completely virtual Exhibition). I won’t get to hug my colleagues and say a proper goodbye. I won’t get to say thank you and goodbye in person to the parents who have been so supportive of me over the past three years. I won’t get to laugh with students out on the playground again. I won’t get to hand out another Learner Profile of the Month award. I won’t get to see our students perform at the Primary Concert or Swimming Carnival. I won’t get to spend time with my friends before they’re gone (many have already left or will leave soon). I won’t get to have our pizza, movie, and bonfire night at school with my students (and I promised them we would do this). I don’t get to celebrate my Year 6 students’ transition into Secondary.

I won’t get closure. I’ll just work until June 12th online and then leave. That’s it. This chapter of my life will end abruptly, and then it’ll be gone. I don’t think I’m okay with this.

Source: Giphy

17 thoughts on “Mourning the end

  1. livinglife816287820

    Oh oh that is so sad. June 12th is such a long time. Are all schools in Indonesia closing till then? So you have a choice to get out? We have no choice here and no school as our kids are poor and have no internet. Today I felt in mourning, just like you!

    1. aggiekesler Post author

      One other school is for sure closed til then…the others haven’t officially said yet. I can leave, but I will stay here til the end (I think). No school at all?! How sad!!

  2. paulabourque

    I think we all need to take time and mourn what will have lost and what we will lose. These are profound losses for so many. The only way to deal with this grief is to deal with it-to work through it. Stay safe, my friend. Sending a hug from across the globe.

    1. aggiekesler Post author

      Thanks Paula. I know I just need to grieve and move through it. It’s still raw today. I’m realizing this whole pandemic ordeal is just a series of ups and downs.

  3. BeReal81

    My heart goes out to you. I have been the one at my school expressing these likelihood’s for the past few months. It is very hard when we don’t get closure. I have not had the heart to tell my boys they are likely done for the year. It would just break their little hearts.
    So sorry this is joe your time there will end.

  4. elsie

    I am so sorry! This disruption of life is unimaginable, but yet we are living through it the best we can. Continue to stay safe. 😦

  5. Sara T.

    I am so sorry to hear you will not reopen. I wonder if in a few months you can meet up and see each other in an informal setting though. Where are you headed after the school year ends?

  6. Susan Kennedy

    So sorry. It’s hard enough to miss them when we are separated from all of them., but so devastating to not be able to see them again. I know many other teachers are worried about this outcome as well.

  7. karpenglish

    Oh, that is really sad. I think many people are hearing announcements that their schools will not reopen this year, but your situation is so unique. The kids cannot come back and visit you before school starts up in the fall, or drop by when they are in the building. It must be very hard to have to just leave them and leave the country and your friends and everything so abruptly at the end of the school year.

  8. Terje

    I am so sorry. We keep hoping that we might at least get the two week sin June, but looking how things develop in other countries it is becoming more and more likely that we will be closed too. I think this decision is harder for international schools with mobile community. Good-byes are important for closure.


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